Dooley’s Back Nine: Why Can’t Florida Fans Have Nice Things?

The Back Nine comes at you after a wonderful Saturday evening of steak and wine and football and the Martins. And then, the game started.

10. OK, I was wrong about everything. I was wrong to think that Billy Napier had turned things around. I was wrong to think DJ Lagway’s sedentary offseason was not going to be an issue. I was wrong to think Clemson was going to win the national championship. I was wrong about everything. Hey, maybe we can trade Napier for a disjointed Dabo Swinney. Naw, Clemson would make Florida throw in two Wilsons and a Graham. Hey, Texas fans, the secondary market for tickets in two weeks is going to be reasonable. You can probably get into the game if you can deliver a first down.

11. This is getting embarrassing, but hasn’t Florida football been a bit of an embarrassment since Urban Meyer fell out of bed unconscious after the 2009 SEC title game? Oh, there have been pockets of success, but it is amazing that all of a sudden Florida football fans can’t have nice things. And they have underachieved with four different coaches (five if you want to count Meyer’s last season in a fog). This was a good line from ESPN’S David Hale, one of my favorite writers: “To ensure his tenure ends as the most embarrassing in recent Florida history, Napier left immediately after the loss, chartered a fishing boat in Fort Lauderdale and promised not to return until he’s photographed hugging a beluga whale.” Yeah, it has been a little embarrassing around here.

12. And there is no reason to think it is going to get any better. Your coach and quarterback are conjoined like Greg Kinnear and Matt Damon in Stuck On You even after they put their heads together and managed 61 passing yards, one first-half first down and 0-for-13 on third downs. Also, Lagway averaged 2.7 yards per passing attempts. The defense they went up against might be the best in the country, but it’s difficult to tell because of the inept offense the Hurricanes were going against.

13. Which brings me back to the question I asked last week: Why can’t Florida get it right? The Gators have had four straight failures as head coaches (sorry, but Napier will be the fourth coach in a row to get fired). All four of them have had some positive attributes, but each one has had a major flaw. Will Muschamp didn’t get offense, Jim McElwain didn’t get Florida, Dan Mullen didn’t get humility and Napier just doesn’t get it. It’s about winning and winning consistently. It’s certainly not about going back to “the drawing board” every season.

14. This is the worst start for a Florida team since the 1986 team started 1-4. That team was starting to feel the effects of NCAA penalties, but still rallied to beat Auburn (on the Kerwin Bell 2-pointer), Georgia and FSU. That team didn’t score a lot either, but this current one has averaged 11 points a game in its three losses. All of these stats I’m throwing at you would tell you that Florida needs a new play-caller or a new quarterback. I’m not sure either one would help, but it can’t get much worse. Seriously, is it possible for a team with this much talent to go 1-11?

15. The good thing is that Florida can’t lose this week. Dr. Football is another story. After another 3-2 week on The Picks, the record stands at 11-12 against the spread, which is one game closer to .500 than the current Florida coach. On to this week:

• Alabama is a 3.5-point underdog at Georgia in a game that should be a doozy. Points may actually be scored! There could be more than two explosive plays by one team! Dogs and pachyderms, living together! I’ll take the home teams and give the points.
  
  Oregon is a three-point underdog at Penn State and we obviously know nothing about the Nittanies. They’ve won their first three games by a combined 132-17, but one of their opponents also gave up 51 to Monmouth last week and another lost to Delaware (the school, not the state). I’ll take the more battle-tested Duckies and the points.
• LSU may be undefeated, but the Tiger Kings are slight (1.5) underdogs at Ole Miss. This should be fun. I think LSU’s defense is too good, so give me Red Stick or give me, whoa, wait. I’m not going that far.
• Auburn is a surprising seven-point underdog at Texas A&M, and I say surprising because the Plainsmen could have won that Oklahoma game if the officials KNEW THE DADGUM RULES! Geez guys, you may not get assigned to the Birmingham Bowl if you miss another one that badly. I’ll take the Ags.
• There will be a little culture shock when the Irish pull into Fayetteville on Saturday. You really need a third TV for the noon games this week. The Irish are going to call their own hogs and they play on the offensive line. The Fighting Pub-crawlers cover the 6.5-point spread.
• I’m throwing another one in to try to get a win streak going. Tennessee does not cover the 10 points it is spotting Cowbell State of Mind.

16. I have to be honest, I don’t like our chances in the Ryder Cup this weekend. I mean, Scottie Scheffler can only win so many matches. I think the Euros have the better team and the Cup will have to compete for TV time, but it should be wild at Bethpage Black.

17. What a wild weekend in the NFL with the Packers losing to the Browns and three huge field goal blocks and the Chiefs actually winning a game and Russell Wilson getting booed one week after throwing for 450 (of course, that was against the Cowboys). They call it “The King” for a reason. Maybe the reason is that picking Atlanta in a Survivor Pool was right up there with drinking milk on a hot day in terms of bad decisions.

18. The music was awesome Saturday night and that was without this playlist:

“Humbling” by Michael Marcagi which may sound a little country, but it is still a great song.

“Everybody Laughs” by David Byrne and the Ghost Train Orchestra and I think Gator fans could use a good laugh.

And for an old one, “Take It On The Run” by REO Speedwagon. You can take from this playlist whatever you want to make of it.

WRUF.com sports columnist Pat Dooley can be heard on “The Tailgate” along with Jeff Cardozo from 4-6 p.m. Monday-Friday on 98.1-FM/AM-850 WRUF.

Category: College Football, Gators Football, Pat Dooley